LOVE.

love  [luhv]  noun, verb 

1. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend; maternal love for a child 2. warm attachment, enthusiasm, strong predilection, or liking for anything 3. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart. 

Love.  A mother’s love is instinctual, unconditional, and forever. I always hear about it, but I don’t have children, so I cannot fully comprehend the magnitude of a mom’s love. I have dogs. That doesn’t count. Recently however, okay it’s been more than a month now, I had a special moment with my mom one evening. I curled up in her bed and laid next to her, half my back-end hanging off the edge, but it was ok.  In that short period as I lay next to her on her hospital bed at home, we had a mother-daughter moment where everything around us fell away, time stood still and I felt the power of my mother’s love for me in a way that I’ve never felt before.  I love my mother. She loves me, too, she loves me more than life itself.  We  laughed and cried. Mom recounted the early years when working hard and saving paid off.  Mom brought back the memory of how she would ride me on the back of her bike to church on Sundays and around town.  It saved gas. But there was a small price to pay. Mom always told me to keep me feet away from the spinning spokes. As she pedaled and I daydreamed on the back, I would forget and on more than one occasion I would end up in crocodile tears as I found my feet had been churned up and streaked with bike grease. Then came the worried scorn in her Asian accent, “I told you so many times, why you don’t pay attention?”. Sob.

Love. For those who know me, you know I’ve always loved adventure. Extreme adventure. The last month or so, I felt like the Greek God, Atlas, carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.  So when Bidney’s twin, Brian decided to visit my mom and the Bidney, I decided to surprise  Brian and the kidneys with a little, almost out of this world experience…falling out of the sky at 13,000 feet! 

WHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!  We are a bunch of suited up morons stuffed into a make shift mini cargo plane, like a pack of sardines. One by one, we tuck and roll to a freeee falll. Peaceful, serene and then exhilarating as the wind hits you so fast it’s hard to breathe, but the view…the view is breathtaking. This is what it’s like to soar like a bird. Soaring for about a minute until the rip cord yanks you back to reality and you remember you are human tied like a toy to a big piece of nylon fabric.  A few minutes later and we are back on solid ground. I took a breath and was all smiles. And that’s all I needed to refresh me and keep me going. It’s amazing what the human spirit is capable of doing. We, our souls, our spirit to fight and live and make it through hard times is what keeps the world going. And it doesn’t hurt that there are little angels floating around us all the time in the form of good friends, and neighbors.

Love.

Chivalry is not dead. I love Paul Lawson III. Some call him Bub. Honorable. Handsome. Honest. Noble. Fun loving. Funny. Respectful. Athletic. Quirky. Good communicator. Best friend. Loves me.  I love him more than I did when I met him.  With the past year (plus) full of trials, I am blessed to have Bub by my side.  He stood by me when I was on dialysis. He pushed me up a hill (Angel’s Landing, Zion Park, Utah) when I was too exhausted to take another step but wasn’t mentally ready to turn back.  He walked slowly along my side when I could barely hike a little grassy knoll and flattered me by not holding me back from being adventurous even though I had to hook myself nightly to my life machine.  He shared the bedroom with Lola, my dialysis machine, and now he share the restroom with Bidney.

My mom has been suffering miserably from ALS (Lou Gehrig’s ) for the past couple years. Bub has been so understanding and I believe it’s because he had such a special relationship with his beloved mother. Mrs. Dolores Lawson passed away March 24.

Until the end she handled herself with dignity, honor and a concern for the well being and happiness of all those around her. She will be missed. I thank her for her smiles and golden personality, which she’s passed on to her son. And I thank her for having Bub. She is loved and that twinkle in her eye that sparkled when she smiled will always be remembered.

 Love.  Spring brings new birds, bees, flowers and trees. My mom is known for her green thumb. She grows organic fruits and veggies that are bigger than ones you buy from the store on steroids! We’ ve had these flowers outside in the front of our house for years. They bloom once a year. This year they came in so full, thick and high…it was a sight to behold. They are the biggest, brightest flowers on the block.  They are a celebration of my mother.

      

Love.  It comes in different shapes and sizes. Mostly, it can not be measured.  I’ve learned that when I see and feel the most pain, I also see and feel the most love. Trials can bring people closer and love is always just around the corner. Sometimes you’ve just got to stick your neck far enough out there to see what’s on the other side. And when you do, I hope you’ll feel that golden light of endless love.