The World According to Pong

I am my own master. I am also your master, you just don’t know it.

My name is Pong. Not to be confused with Bong. Pong means chubby in Chinese, which I am obviously not.

Sleepovers in bed with you? Consider me interested.  Call human for appointment.

I am like a heat seeking missile but better….I AM a FOOD SEEKING MISSILE!

Stress: When I see food, but can’t get it. (Ex: Cheeto wedged in my face).

Play opossum when it’s time for bed and humans just might leave you on the ottoman for the night. Has yet to work, but keep trying.

The world is my food bowl. I warn you!

I can actually hear myself getting fatter as I inhale my food. Chewing is unnecessary and a waste of time.

A juicy rib eye steak at my eye level means it is mine. Silly human.

Avoiding eye contact doesn’t work anymore. Especially to she-human.

I wish I was little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.

Putting cayenne pepper/hot sauce to keep me from eating prohibited things don’t work. Didn’t know it’s a bonus topping for me, did you?

Human wants to use my head as a door jam when I get in trouble. See if I care.

If you love me, cuddle me, pet me and speak sweet nothings to my flat face, I will be your son-of-a-biatch.

Rats. Die.

I have issues. What do you expect from a peculiar dog with a peculiar look and perplexing character?  

I’ve done the math. Nothing about my Pug face is proportionate. I look like I’ve been smashed, punched and sat on… But if you pull my ears out, I tend to look like Yoda and with my mental powers, I make you think I’m the freaking cutest thing roaming on four paws. Therefore, I am.

Sneaking into human bed and laying in the pillows is like being spooned from every direction.

It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

Dog who run behind car gets exhausted. Dog who run in front gets tired. Dog who ride inside is just right. 

Don’t wake me up unless it is interesting. Anything but food, walks or something I can chase need not apply.

I work hard.  Sleeping.

My sister is perfect. She glows white. My genetic factor makes me mischievous and naughty, hence the black.

I turn invisible when I turn my back to humans or hide behind something bigger.

I love my body. I love being  naked. Clothes are for humans.