Life is Beautiful

bright sterile lights

tubing and state-of-the-art machines everywhere

faceless people bustling like ants

lots of them
and then lights out
the ones in my head that is

whatever drugs they use really knocks the crap out of me

which is rather good

for the situation i'm currently in

because by the time they are done

i will be

alive

again

with a train track of 32 staples

more than a foot long

pain lots of pain

but it's all worth it

because i have a new kidney inside me

and this is the moment

where my second chance at life begins.

The alarms start going off at the 6 o'clock hour. It's Brian's big day. And it's mine too. He's probably getting ready like a soldier called to duty. I'm hunkering down further in my down comforter pretending to sleep. The hotel bed feels so nice. Just a bit longer. I pull the cover over my head. A 7 ft. tube line attaches me to 'Lola', my life saving dialysis machine which, at this moment is like a comfort blanket to a child. I'm familiar with her and she keeps me alive. Barely. But alive nonetheless. This morning will hopefully be the last time I need her undivided assistance. I am getting a kidney transplant. Guess I should get out of bed considering most of my entourage has already headed to the hospital.

We ( Sally n I) pull up to the front of UCSD hospital. So, I know it's my big day, and I'm acting all cool, calm and collected as I exit the car. Perhaps a bit fashionably late. TO MY OWN TRANSPLANT! Not like they can actually start without me. In my head, I'm excited, apprehensive and...okay, I admit a bit scared shit less (oops) knowing once I walk through those moving doors, I'm committed. Honestly, having gone through this once already at the age of 19, I remember the intense surgery and the grueling recovery process. I'm nervous. The calm comes later.

My cell goes off as I enter the pre-op area. 1 Text Message... from Brian, my donor. "Are you still coming? Or did you back out?" Well, actually I was thinking maybe we could go paint the town yellow first. Funny guy. I turn the corner to find him sitting in a light blue hospital gown, patiently waiting for me with a look like..."Hello, u do know it's YOU getting a transplant today?" Yea yea. I'm here. Let's get the party started.

They weigh me, poke me for blood, stick a temp stick in my mouth, etc. It's all routine. I'm just another face with a name getting prepped for surgery. I hand over my limited belongings to Lynz, Brian's wife, as a wheelchair comes for me and I get rolled away. Far away. My 'roller' is this cool African American who has a smooth swing to his strut. The chap I find out is 75 years old, looks not a day over 60, and has been at the hospital for more than 30 years. He is cool. He's rollin' me to 'The Room'...the last room before the OR. Gurneys line the perimeter of the room. It's no Ritz hotel, but the setup is practical. I get placed next to Brian, whose all mellow and just hanging out. The guy emanates calm. I think they even capped his head already. It's a relief to see him. Having someone next to me this time, going through what I am going through, brings me a sense of calm and peace. This is all surreal, but I know everything will turn out.

Several hours later, I'm out. Waking up and lucid. Unlike my partner next to me whose loopy as all get out. Poor Brian has no idea who he is at the moment. Good thing his wife is here. Oowie. I feel pain. Intense pain in my lower abdomen. The anesthesia is wearing off and I feel like I have a huge open crater in my pelvic area with a hot searing knife pressed into my inners. Uh, can I get some of that loopy stuff the guy over yonder is getting? The nurse comes, hovers over me and then leaves. The doctor comes, hovers over me, leaves. I feel good right now. Loopy is kinda nice. I guess the worst is over. Now it's time to blast my body with immuno-suppressants so I don't go postal on my new kidney. The body is an amazing thing. Did you know that it'll go to war to attack anything foreign. I am too tired to mentally prepare myself for the roller coaster ride of drugs about to enter my body. Immunosuppressants of all kinds and magnitude. Anti-viral, anti-bacterial, steroids. Lots of steroids. Pain meds, antacids to counter all the meds, supplements, the list goes on. About 19 drugs as I recover in the hospital. Down to 16 when I get discharged. Seriously? Do you know how much I'd be worth if I walked down to Skid Row and let druggies just tap into my system? A walking pharmacy. Yuck. Morbid thought. Delete.

Back to happy thoughts and recovery. My hospitalization lasted 6 days. During this time, I had great friends who came to check on me while I was there. They along with so many others gave me the support I needed to pull through all this. I am blessed in so many ways. A friend whom I've known 15+ years from back in the day, who decided to get tested when he found out I was on dialysis and was actually a match? This after having at least a dozen other friends and acquaintances test to no avail due to my antibodies attacking their blood. He is not only a great friend but also a guardian angel.

I named my new kidney and am pretty proud of what I came up with if I do say so myself. It's already part of the Blog name, but in case you didn't get it, it's called, 'B'idney (Brian's kidney= B-idney). What do you think? :P